She's got a house on the hill, and so much more.
she's got a butler named Charlie, who waits by the door.
She's got a bobblehead of herself, on her dash,
she was in Playboy just to show off her cash.

And though her face is on a shopping bag,
would you want to be famous for being a nag?
Oh the ad campaign in all its glory,
could never match the true story.

She came here on a boat, through the Panama Canal
at the beginning of the big one, she was just a little gal
she was made for America, America was made for her.

She traveled with her family to the great northwest.
On the banks of the Columbia is where they came to rest.
Roll on Columbia, Columbia roll on.

She's not your mama but she cares a lot
whether your wet or dry or you're cold or hot.
She's not your mama, don't call her "Ma."
She's not your mama, don't call her "Ma."

On the streets of Portland they were a novelty.
The first family of their kind to come from Germany.
When the going gets tough, the tough get going.

She went away to college as soon as she was able.
It was there she met her husband underneath a table.
It was "Hello Neal,"she had to kneel to say hello.

And Neal said, "I'd tip my hat to you,I would do just that.
I'd tip my hat to you, but I haven't got a hat."

So they got a little hat shop and sold 'em off the shelves.
It wasn't long before they were makin' 'em themselves.
The family grew the business and the business grew the family.

They had a couple children - and a son.
The Irish and the Jewish in each and every one.
The son was Tim, but this ain't about him.

Sometimes life seems perfect and everything is right.
Then the worst thing happens and it changes over night.
Again the going gets tough, and the tough kept going.

And it was early to bed, early to rise,
work like hell, and advertise.

And that's exactly what she did, the rest is herstory.
She found fame and fortune, that's how it came to be.
From the banks of the Columbia, to Columbia's banks.

She's not your mama. but she sends her best,
from a bugaboo jacket to a fishing vest.
She's not your mama, don't call her "Ma."
She's not your mama, don't call her "Ma."
For her birthday, please, please, please, don't call her "Ma."

Don't call her "Ma,"
Call her G-E-R-T "Gert" - but don't call her "Ma."
You could call her Mrs. Boyle,
That wouldn't hurt, but don't call her "Ma."
You could call her on her 800 line, but don't call her "Ma."
You could call her late for dinner, just don't call her "Ma."
But if you're Erin or Rachel or Annie or Molly or Joe
You can call her "Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Ga."